On Loneliness

When my marriage was ending, to my surprise, my greatest terror was loneliness. This may seem obvious to most, but it wasn’t to me. I believed I had a strong grasp on being alone, and in fact loved my solitude. But it turned out that my fear of loneliness was something quite different.

What that looked like for me was a year of paralyzing grief and pain. And only in going through that process did I find some very young, terrified child parts within me who had been left alone for decades, and were in desperate need of my love and attention.

Let me be clear— in spite of being a therapist, and helping others move into their terrors, I did NOT go there willingly.

I had no choice. I fell.

It took me until I was 44 years old to stop running, and turn towards my loneliness.

I realize how fortunate I am, as so many people remain on the run and never move into this pain for an entire lifetime. And others move into it and don’t have the supports in place to come through to the other side. I was ushered through by unwaveringly loyal friends, and a therapist, whom I love and trust, by my side.

If you are in the throws of your own struggle with loneliness, there are likely young parts of you that need your love and attention.

I encourage you to get support, go inside, and tend to those little ones and bring them to safety.

And know that in your loneliness, you are not alone.